It's all about the Arse

Ironic, isn't it? That the part of our bodies which elicits the most attention is the part which 90% of us hate the most. Yes ladies, I'm talking about that fluctuating bain of our lives - the backside.

Time and time again I have tried (and failed) to understand why men are so attracted to them. They're pale, wobbly, very oddly shaped - made even odder with the onset of cellulite - and most importantly, they're designed for the purpose of excretion! Yet every day, millions of women find their arses the centre of attention, and millions of men struggle to find the most condusive way to ask their girlfriend's permission to enter through the back door.

I think most women have tried it once, if for no other reason than to see what all the fuss is about. I can't say I found it especially arousing - it was mainly uncomfortable - but at least it was pain-free due to the fact that I was aided by copious units of vodka and a bottle of Johnson's body lotion as a makeshift lubricant. This may not have been the most sensible alternative, but it's always best to be prepared - a motto which my friend Betty now has etched into her subconscious following one particularly ferocious (front-entry) session, when the object which she had been enjoying for the past half hour was accidentally and forcefully rammed into the wrong hole. Recalling the incident still brings her to tears.

So what exactly is it about the arse? Granted, a small percentage of them are toned and tanned but they still serve the same function. Although given that men are able to block out virtually any thoughts in order to score an ejaculation, perhaps this doesn't phase them. Or maybe it's actually the filthiness of it that they find appealing - the dirty act of doing something you shouldn't.

I don't know, it's all a bit animalistic for my liking. But then I've never been a huge fan of doggy the traditional way. It's a struggle enough allowing my beautician full view of that area, let alone someone I am trying to impress. And besides, I would have thought that having a bottom wagging in your face would be quite enough to banish a boner.

So alas, the question goes unanswered for now...I'll get back to you if I ever find out.